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Story Type: Sexuality - events that shaped your sexual identity and understanding or your sense of what it means to be a man or a woman. This type of story will impact future relationships with men, women, family and marriage.


I called my story, "Trip to the TreeHouse"

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It was a cold dark evening. We had been singing Christmas songs in the big red Fairlane that we drove as a family.  We had been out to eat and it was a cheerful time. As Dad drove mom called out the song selection and my brother, Ben and I chimed in. I was thoughtful. What did all of these words mean? As a 3rd grade girl, I was filled with many questions. I was realizing that there were a lot of words that I really did not understand that adults used. I was working really hard on growing up. There was really no time to waste. I always had questions. There was Deck the Halls, a song filled with words that were unknown to me: boughs, apparel, yuletide, too many to ask about. Then we sang Silent Night. This I understood. This song was about the night baby Jesus was born. We sang:

Silent night, Holy night / All is calm, all is bright / Round yon virgin, mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild / Sleep in heavenly peace.

Wait, what was a virgin? This I did not know. We finished the song and before mom could suggest another song I asked, “What is a virgin?” There was a strange silence in the car. This was a silence that seemed to suck all the joy out of the car.  Mom spoke with confidence, “Well, it is a young woman that has not been with a man in a way that would make a baby.” I felt so convicted. I need to tell them the truth, that I am not a virgin… I began to think back.
It had just been 18 months earlier when our family had moved from Missouri to Ohio. We stayed with my uncle’s family for 6 weeks while we found a home of our own.  My cousin, Scotty and I were finishing our first grade year. I had really been thankful to go to a new school with someone that I knew.  It had just been my brother and I before and now my cousins became instant brothers. Sam was 4 years older and Scotty was 10 months older. They were always busy playing.  I tried really hard to always fit in to what they were doing.  I was not always very interested in playing war, Matchbox cars and exploring the field but I did everything I could to be accepted. One day while we were playing up in the tree-house.  Sam said, "Scotty's penis will change if you get naked." We were curious. Was this true? Sam said, "Do it. Do it." Sam told us not to tell anyone so I didn't but both of us took pleasure in trying it. We would all sneak into the tree-house a few times to do this. I did not think much more of it. First grade ended and we moved out of their house.
 
I still went to school with my cousins. We had all of the same friends. One day in the fall I was playing on the playground at recess. “You are going to have a baby!” said Carl. As I looked back at him he was smirking, making fun. I did not know what he was talking about. Of course I was not going to have a baby. This was absurd but why would he say such a thing?

“What are you talking about?” I replied. “You and Scotty had sex and that is what you do to have a baby!” he said. I was spinning. There were others all around listening and already knew about what had gone on in the tree-house months before with my own cousin. I wanted to disappear. I just said, “No we didn’t!  Shut-up!” I ran off and began to wonder if it was true. Did I “have sex”?  Is it sex that causes babies?  Recess was over and school went on but I couldn’t stop thinking of the embarrassment and confusion of the playground. 

After school, I entered our house and Mom was starting the dishwasher. She was busy in the kitchen and not looking at me, so I decided this was the perfect time. “Mom, what is sex?” Awkward silence followed.  Mom stayed busy, now wiping off the counter-top. She went on to say more words that I did not understand.  I heard ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ and then I knew that it was true. The boy on the playground was right.  I had had sex with my cousin.
 
I sat there in the back seat, feeling convicted. When I learned that Mary had been a virgin before having baby Jesus I realized that I was not a virgin. I made the decision to tell my parents as we pulled in to the driveway. Ben, my little brother, went on into the house and then I told Mom and Dad that Scotty and I had sex in the tree-house.  They asked a few questions and concluded that we were too young to actually have had sex. I was still very confused but wanted to believe them.  It was never spoken of again.

Through  Story Group Exploration:

This was an insignificant, lost story in the far back of my mind. At 43, sharing over coffee with three women, before I could create another half-truth, it came out of my mouth. "Sure, I drank and slept around in college, there was even one time, I was completely sober and had sex with two strange men at the same time." I about fell over, shocked that it came out like I'd thrown up. When I looked up at them, two smiled at me and two shook their heads as though they were proud of my courage. Six months later, I was in a story group and wrote my earliest sexual story, "Trip to the Treehouse." Here's what I learned from exploring it.
I came to see that there is good in this story, 'I was a girl of curiosity, fun and playfulness and had a strong desire for relationship and belonging.' However, there were specific lies sewn by the kingdom of darkness:
  • This harm and being taken advantage of set me up for a college life of wrecklessness.
  • My body is something to be used to get attention with guys
  • As, later a christian, being shamed in church, even the word sex became evil, bad and steals your joy
  • People can't be trusted with secrets
  • It was my fault for not knowing about sex
  • Being naked is something shameful
Exploring this story has enabled me to begin to embrace the girl in me without fear or shame.
The Truth:  My female body does have a unique, designed by God, power, to bring pleasure and goodness in to this world. All my play with the boys was centered around cars, war and sports. There were no girls to play with. When this game was introduced, something special happened where I was the focus. This was a game they could not play without me. The questions for me now are, Will I boldly step in to the power of the body God gave me without fear or shame? Can I embrace with kindness and honor what it means to be naked? And can I trust some with my secrets? I was not 'healed' that weekend, but the experience changed the trajectory of my journey.
Every person has 6-8 key stories that have shaped the trajectory of their life. The 4 common types are Sexual Harm, Social Harm, Personal Trauma and Family Harm and Neglect. These stories are shared with permission.

Sexuality Stories

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Story Type: Sexuality - events that shaped your sexual identity and understanding or your sense of what it means to be a man or a woman. This type of story will impact future relationships with men, women, family and marriage.


Treehouse Treasure Trove - a boys encounter with pornography
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"It was dim inside and as my eyes adjusted I was amazed to discover on the floor, stacks and stacks of porn magazines. Probably, several hundred magazines in all.  It was like a lightening bolt in my brain and my excitement shot up. I had found the gold mine! I started looking thru the stacks of magazines and grabbed a few.  It didn't take long to realize these were not the normal Playboys and Penthouses we were used to finding...HERE


Trip to the Treehouse - a girls confusion of sexuality
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"My cousin Sam was 4 years older and Scotty was 10 months older. They were always busy playing. I tried really hard to fit in to what they were doing.  I was not always interested in playing war, Matchbox cars and exploring the field but I did everything I could to be accepted. One day while we were playing up in the tree-house...HERE


Beauty and Basketball - slowest on the team
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"She said, "Janie, you are a good solid player and I believe that you would like to play varsity next year. Is that true?" "Yes, it is. I would very much like to." "Well," she continued, "there are a few things I would like to see you improve. You need to improve on your speed. If you lost weight you could be quicker on the court."...HERE


Jump - crushing of a high school romance
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"Julie was a cheerleader and a model. When she said yes to ‘going together’, I hit it big. We quickly became enamored with each other, passing notes every day, trading lockers to get closer to each other and kissing after school. While her parents were home, we'd sneak kisses while watching TV. She really enjoyed teasing me with ‘Young and the Restless’ style passion and then walking away suddenly leaving me with an endless desire for more....HERE


Personal Trauma

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Story Type: Personal Trauma - loss of a loved one, first love, betrayal of a friend, physical or emotional harm.


Strawberry Plains - death of a mother
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"February 14th, 1976, I was up at 6AM and had all my valentine cards ready to go. I was showered, dressed and ready way ahead of schedule. Mom had not come home in the night, but that wasn’t that unusual. The phone rang and I answered. It was Pete. I knew Pete because he had been in law enforcement with my stepfather, Elmer. His voice sounded grave and flat and he said, “Cindy, I don’t want you to go to school today....HERE


Canned Spinach - abuse and eating
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"My stepmother, Carol, weighed about a hundred and twenty pounds and was five foot nine inches. The woman was crazy when it came to food. Whatever she put it in front of you, you ate it. I would sit at times for two hours staring at a bowl of cold, mushy, canned spinach, until finally, exhausted, I would gag and gag it down....HERE


Batter Up - baseball shame
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"A sense of dread filled my stomach. Being a smaller than average kid and very awkward athletically, I knew I would be one of the last kids chosen, as usual, by the designated team captains. I did not having any experience playing little league baseball, or any sport, like many of the other boys. I figured I could strike out quickly and go to the end of the line and be back to...HERE


Bicycle 911 - the lost dream of a stunt man
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"I’m OFF! Off to seek out a great adventure with a boy I didn’t really care to be around, but it was better than staying at home alone. I zoomed in and out of winding road corners and down roads as fast as I could. One corner in particular had a dip at the intersection that was fun to whip in and out of....HERE


Social Harm

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Story Type: Social Harm - an event that unfolded at school, on the playground, church choir practice, in class, at camp etc.


The General - basketball dreams, pissed away
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"When we walked in, his office was huge. A mahogany desk at one end, a den like sitting area with 3 full leather couches and a big coffee table where we were sitting and then closer to the door, a ten-foot conference room table with chairs and a white dry eraser board with red trim, just as long long on the wall. “Sit down.” He said as he pointed to the leather couch....HERE


Cascade Farewell - last day of Middle School
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"I had watched the weather forecast and talked to everyone I could think of that lived on my side of the spread out, Indiana farming community.  There were a handful of friends that lived in the small town of Clayton.  I knew that if I could get them all to buy in to the idea we would have a great crowd with others that would meet us from outside of town. It was all about including everyone....HERE


The Playground - first grade love lost
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"Why come to school and take a nap? However, there was one cool thing about nap time and that was that my mat was next to Karen Cook’s. When the lights were out, she and I would pretend to be napping and look at each other and whisper. A time or two we touched hands. It was a pretty special time, I suppose....HERE


Summer Fun at the Pool - Big nose
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"I was strong. I wanted to be noticed by girls. I liked girls. I couldn’t see it from a straight on view in the mirror, but my nose was growing. I began to hear comments like “You have a big nose.”  The men in my family had big hooked noses. The remarks got more creative. If I stated a strong opinion amongst my 7th grade friends, the comments changed to something like, “Oh.. ok, the Nose knows.” Well that hurt and I couldn’t figure out what to do with the feelings. So, I just took it as my friends having fun. ....HERE


Family of Origin

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Story Type: Family of Origin - a family trip, night around the dinner table... a story that exemplifies how you fit into your family and the role you played.


The Fan - a young girl stuck in the middle
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"My parents were fighting over who would take us. I wondered for a brief moment where he thought he would take us. This was not the first time they had fought like this. I just sat there. Numb. Completely numb to the fighting. I had been here before. My sister rested her head on my shoulder. She was so young and tired. I felt sorry for her, “No 7-year-old should have to get out of bed like this on a school night.” I thought. At least I was 3 years older. I looked across the room. The box fan sat in front of the window.....HERE


Devil Went Down to Georgia - coming home from vacation
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"The song, “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” came on. This song was so much fun! It’s so fast paced and has so much attitude. My brothers and I were enjoying singing it and I, for sure, was trying to keep up the tongue twisting pace. “The devil went down to Georgia. He was looking for a soul to steal…devil’s in the house of the rising sun…I done told you once you son of bitch I’m the best....HERE


Thanksgiving Secret - lost in family chaos, boobs, fans and fireworks
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"At 15, she knew more than I did. At least she seemed to think so. I was smarter than her and I knew it, but I kept my mouth shut. We weren’t arguing test scores. After a few minutes, she closed her bedroom door and said, “Hey, I wanna tell you about my boyfriend.” Her whispering told me that Aunt Edna didn't know something about him or didn't know about him at all. I said, “Sure” and watched her intently. ....HERE


Special Features


In an Instant - a near death text message
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"I looked up and it was too late. All in a flash, my right front wheel went over the edge of the road. It was one of my worst fears since we moved out to the country. A blink later, the underside of my van was skidding on the rocky edge of the road, down-hill at fifty miles an hour. I had no control as a few wet trees, from the falling rain, ripped down the right side of my van. As both hands gripped tight to....HERE


Mr Browns Heart - alone, collapsing in the road
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"I didn't think it was time. At 44, in the middle of the road, with my vision starting to blur, before collapsing, I decided to lay down and hope for someone to find me. I thought, "I could lay on the side of the road and no one possibly find me soon enough, but if I laid in the middle of the road, they may run over me as they come over the crest of the hill." I decided to lay on the edge. Then, as I struggled to breathe, I gazed to my right and there it was.....HERE

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  • Home
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