Then it happened
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It was a beautiful fall day. A day that made my walk home from school seem fun. I was in the first grade, so I went to school a full day and my brother only went a half day. Mom had picked him up at noon, so I walked with a neighbor girl who lived at the top of the hill of our little street. We lived in a small house at the end of the cul-de-sac. As we got closer to where we crossed the Big Street to get to our street I started to run ahead of my friend. She yelled, "Wait up, wait up!". But I wanted to run down our hill to my house so I could see my mom, brother and sister. I was taught to look both ways but I was in such a hurry, I just ran out into the street and then it happened. I never saw the car that hit me, but as I woke up under the car, my pant leg was caught on the bumper in the license plate.
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The man driving the car jumped out and asked, "Are you ok? Are you alright?". I was scared and started to cry as I crawled out from under the car. The man asked, "Where do you live? Let's get in my car so I can take you home." I told him, "I'm not supposed to ride with strangers." So I started walking home crying as I went. The man kept driving next to me trying to get me to get in his car but I only wanted him to go away.
By the time I got to the house, I had wiped my eyes dry. Mom was in the kitchen and I went to my room and sat on my bed. I was glad to be home and was really hoping my parents wouldn’t find out about me not looking both ways before crossing the street. Then, "Knock, knock, knock." The man from the car was knocking on the door and mom went to answer it. Then she called me out of my room and asked in front of the man if I was alright. I said, "Yes" and was ashamed. Mom looked at my pants and checked my leg and I was alright and unhurt otherwise. She said to the man, "Thank you for letting me know what happened." and he left. When he was gone my mom looked at me and said, "Buddy!" like she couldn’t believe what I did. Later that night, Dad got home and we all got in the car to go to my aunt & uncle's house for dinner. I was sitting in the seat behind my Dad playing with my brother.
Mom began telling Dad what had happened. (I had hoped the whole thing would be forgotten) Mom finished telling Dad and then he looked at me in the rear-view mirror and said, "Stupid! You have to watch what you’re doing." while shaking his head in disgust. I was ashamed for being stupid and went back to playing with my brother.
By the time I got to the house, I had wiped my eyes dry. Mom was in the kitchen and I went to my room and sat on my bed. I was glad to be home and was really hoping my parents wouldn’t find out about me not looking both ways before crossing the street. Then, "Knock, knock, knock." The man from the car was knocking on the door and mom went to answer it. Then she called me out of my room and asked in front of the man if I was alright. I said, "Yes" and was ashamed. Mom looked at my pants and checked my leg and I was alright and unhurt otherwise. She said to the man, "Thank you for letting me know what happened." and he left. When he was gone my mom looked at me and said, "Buddy!" like she couldn’t believe what I did. Later that night, Dad got home and we all got in the car to go to my aunt & uncle's house for dinner. I was sitting in the seat behind my Dad playing with my brother.
Mom began telling Dad what had happened. (I had hoped the whole thing would be forgotten) Mom finished telling Dad and then he looked at me in the rear-view mirror and said, "Stupid! You have to watch what you’re doing." while shaking his head in disgust. I was ashamed for being stupid and went back to playing with my brother.
Through Story Exploration:
I had no idea that this was such a significant day in my life. In many ways, it knocked me down and out. There were several key lies that were planted or strengthened. These are a few of them:
- If I wasn't so stupid, I wouldn't get hurt or in trouble
- There will never be anyone to comfort me
- I need to hide when I make mistakes
- I'm bad because I don't do what I'm told
The Truth: When I shared this story, I was overwhelmed with grief and shame. I realized I still felt like and have acted like that 6 year old boy in many ways. I also realized that the word 'stupid' had great power over me and was used often to shame me in my home. The group helped me to see that I made a mistake and that I am not a mistake. Mistakes are a natural part of everyone's life. The enemy wants me to hide in shame when I make mistakes, am hurting or struggling. The truth is, I can find comfort in Him and it's ok to share my hurts and struggles with closer friends and family to find comfort and grace. I am not a mistake. I am not stupid. I am loved by my Heavenly Father and He has placed safe people in my life to help find the truth about living a life of love, not in fear and shame.
The 4 Story Types
There are four types of stories that will be shared in a rotation: Social Harm - an event that unfolded at school, on the playground, church choir practice, in class, at camp etc. Personal Trauma - loss of a loved one, first love, betrayal of a friend, physical or emotional harm. Family of Origin - a family trip, night around the dinner table... a story that exemplifies how you fit into your family and the role you played. Sexuality - events that shaped your sexual identity and understanding or your sense of what it means to be a man or a woman. It is our hope that these stories will stir your desire to engage your own story that is part of God's epic story.
