Story Type: Sexuality - events that shaped your sexual identity and understanding or your sense of what it means to be a man or a woman. This type of story will impact future relationships with men, women, family and marriage.
I called my story, "Lost in the Hay Loft"
It was a hot summer Saturday with the expectation of having some fun with no school. My favorite thing to do in 7th grade was to ride motorcycles with my 2 friends Greg and John. We usually rode southwest of Glaser along the creek near an old railroad bridge. Our motorcycle trails we called the 'railroad trestle'.
This day, however, I rode with a different friend named Mark. We had gone to church since I was 5 and he was 7. Mark was crazier then me and did the riskiest things his mind could conjure up. He was always the leader and I was the follower.
This day, however, I rode with a different friend named Mark. We had gone to church since I was 5 and he was 7. Mark was crazier then me and did the riskiest things his mind could conjure up. He was always the leader and I was the follower.
I drove over to his house on my gold, Honda SL 125 motorcycle. Then we piggy backed back to my house so he could jump on my blue Honda CB 125. We took off and cruised east and then north out of town to State Highway 35. We went a few miles east and pulled out into the pasture where his show lambs were kept. We shut down for a few minutes while he checked the water and fed his lambs. Off in the distance, down along the creek were a few cotton wood trees and an old barn. “Hey, Richie! I want to show you something.” said Mark. He fired up my motorcycle and I followed him. We rode through the pasture and pulled in to the old barn and took off our helmets. There was a ladder against the wall and Mark climbed up first. After following him up, it was dim inside and as my eyes adjusted I was amazed to discover on the floor, stacks and stacks of porn magazines. There were several hundred magazines in all. It was like a lightening bolt in my brain and my excitement shot up. I had found the goldmine!
Mark rifled through a few and sat down on the far side and began to look thru them. I started looking thru the stacks of magazines and grabbed a few. It didn't take long to realize these were not the normal torn up, Playboys and Penthouses we were used to finding along the road. My excitement was off the charts as I looked thru them and saw men and women doing wild things. I sat down on the other side of the loft and began to flip page after page. I had never seen stuff like this or even knew it existed. I settled into reading a story about a British man and woman. I was in my own little world for sure as I imagined the scenes in the magazines. At the age of 12, I was more excited than I had ever been.
A few minutes later, Mark held up a centerfold in his left hand and started talking to the picture like he was a stud or something. I wanted to go back into the story I had been reading but couldn't help but listen and watch Mark. He eventually stopped and seemed to have some sense of deep satisfaction. I went back to reading. I wanted to stay there forever and look at every one of those magazines. I started to gather up a few magazines to take with me when Mark said with an irritated look on his face, ”Put them back these are not yours. Lets go!” He climbed down first and as I went down, I looked at the stacks with longing and wanting to see more. Then we got back on our motorcycles. penis vagina
Mark rifled through a few and sat down on the far side and began to look thru them. I started looking thru the stacks of magazines and grabbed a few. It didn't take long to realize these were not the normal torn up, Playboys and Penthouses we were used to finding along the road. My excitement was off the charts as I looked thru them and saw men and women doing wild things. I sat down on the other side of the loft and began to flip page after page. I had never seen stuff like this or even knew it existed. I settled into reading a story about a British man and woman. I was in my own little world for sure as I imagined the scenes in the magazines. At the age of 12, I was more excited than I had ever been.
A few minutes later, Mark held up a centerfold in his left hand and started talking to the picture like he was a stud or something. I wanted to go back into the story I had been reading but couldn't help but listen and watch Mark. He eventually stopped and seemed to have some sense of deep satisfaction. I went back to reading. I wanted to stay there forever and look at every one of those magazines. I started to gather up a few magazines to take with me when Mark said with an irritated look on his face, ”Put them back these are not yours. Lets go!” He climbed down first and as I went down, I looked at the stacks with longing and wanting to see more. Then we got back on our motorcycles. penis vagina
Through Story Exploration:
This was a day that changed the course of the next 40 years of my life and also contributed to losing my marriage. During exploring this at a fall retreat, it became clear that there were several lies that began or were confirmed in this story. These are a few of them:
- This is the big secret my parents are keeping from me
- This is what 'being intimate' is, sex
- This is what real men look like
- This is how a woman wants to be treated
The Truth: God has his own plans that are always better than mine. My third retreat was a CoEd retreat in the Smoky Mountains. The time came for me to write my story and I went for a walk instead. I ended up losing track of time and realized we had 15 minutes left. I quickly wrote this story, knowing that it was significant. It never occurred to me that I might be assigned to a CoEd group. Wow, I had no time to write a different story and was assigned to a group with four women and a female facilitator. I knew this had to be God and I decided to go first. After reading my story, some women cried, some were angry at my older friend and another said, "You are so courageous to share this with us. I am so sorry this happened to you." Those words and the reaction of the group left me in shock. I had never been loved like that before in the middle of such shame. I was convinced the women would be disgusted and think I was a freak. It was the total opposite. It was like they came up to the hay loft with me and helped me leave the magazines behind. In that hay loft, what I really was craving was intimacy with another human being. Something real. In that group, I got to experience what it means to truly be seen and see others without fear or shame. To be loved. And I will never be the same.
The 4 Story Types
There are four types of stories that will be shared in a rotation: Social Harm - an event that unfolded at school, on the playground, church choir practice, in class, at camp etc. Personal Trauma - loss of a loved one, first love, betrayal of a friend, physical or emotional harm. Family of Origin - a family trip, night around the dinner table... a story that exemplifies how you fit into your family and the role you played. Sexuality - events that shaped your sexual identity and understanding or your sense of what it means to be a man or a woman. It is our hope that these stories will stir your desire to engage your own story that is part of God's epic story.
