Chapter Eleven - Ending Well
rancie’s group headed inside. Ryan had his sleeping bag on one shoulder and his rucksack on the other. As Francie came through the front door, he was heading to his car out the
back door.
“Francie, hey, you need a cigar for the road?” he said with a laugh.
“Only if it’s a good one!” she responded.
Rob was picking up empty cups and random trash and then said, “Someone help me move this couch back where it goes.” John stepped to the other end to help.
Greg and Mary were tag teaming cleaning up in the kitchen when Brock spouted off with a laugh, “Hey, Greg. Maybe you should just put all the leftovers outside! I bet those bears are still hungry.”
Greg rolled his eyes and responded, “Oh, that’s a good one.” Then he shared with Mary that it was the hot dogs he threw that the bears came to eat.
She was not impressed. “Maybe that’s why Francie announced Friday night not to leave any food outside.”
“I must have missed that!” Greg responded as he went back to washing the last biscuit baking pan.
Brock was cramming all his clothes into his suitcase and changing out his hiking boots for his cowboy boots. As he got down on the floor and checked under his bed, he got a shocked look on his face and said, “Wow.”
“What is it?” Ryan asked.
Brock gazed out his bedside window, “I can’t even remember the last time I was this excited to head back home.”
Ryan smiled.
back door.
“Francie, hey, you need a cigar for the road?” he said with a laugh.
“Only if it’s a good one!” she responded.
Rob was picking up empty cups and random trash and then said, “Someone help me move this couch back where it goes.” John stepped to the other end to help.
Greg and Mary were tag teaming cleaning up in the kitchen when Brock spouted off with a laugh, “Hey, Greg. Maybe you should just put all the leftovers outside! I bet those bears are still hungry.”
Greg rolled his eyes and responded, “Oh, that’s a good one.” Then he shared with Mary that it was the hot dogs he threw that the bears came to eat.
She was not impressed. “Maybe that’s why Francie announced Friday night not to leave any food outside.”
“I must have missed that!” Greg responded as he went back to washing the last biscuit baking pan.
Brock was cramming all his clothes into his suitcase and changing out his hiking boots for his cowboy boots. As he got down on the floor and checked under his bed, he got a shocked look on his face and said, “Wow.”
“What is it?” Ryan asked.
Brock gazed out his bedside window, “I can’t even remember the last time I was this excited to head back home.”
Ryan smiled.
Closing
Everyone was back and ready to go when Rob opened, “Ok, the last thirty minutes is what we call preparing for re-entry.” That sounded really good to everyone. They were antsy about how to head back into each of their worlds.
“First, we are going back to where we began on Friday night,” Rob said and turned to Francie.
“Yep. All of you think back to Friday night to our values for the weekend. Rob said to all of you that there was no way to really understand our values, and that you would have to experience them. Many of you are puzzled right now, thinking, ‘What has happened here this weekend?’ Well, experiencing these values is exactly what we have done. So you know what we’re going to do now?” Francie asked.
Ryan said, “Read them again.”
She nodded, “Yep. And we’re going to start over here with the five of you, and take your time as you read them out loud. Don’t just breeze through them. Ok? John?”
John sat straight up in his leather seat, cleared his throat and began, “Clarity - we seek clarity when we consider the stories of our life that hold confusion. Truth takes back ground that evil steals with whispered lies.”
Angela was next, “Honor - as we engage our story and the stories of others, we do so with honor. We honor all that engage their story by loving them where they are. We never push or require more than anyone desires to walk.”
Greg continued, “Kindness - as we explore our story and who we are created to be, we engage others and ourselves with kindness. Kindness is what speaks against what evil intends for harm.”
Then Lisa, “Safety - we commit to provide a sacred place of comfort and care. We are free to be honest about ourselves and our own emotions. In a safe place we listen and do not interrupt or judge. A safe environment allows what is hidden and breaking through to come into the light.”
Finally, Brock, “Growth - when we engage our stories with honor and kindness, finding clarity in a safe environment, there can be exponential growth and impact. This is everyone’s desire for each other.”
A silence hung in the air as Rob allowed everyone to silently engage their experience of the values. “Ok. Check this out. Let me walk through how cool this is, and this will help you a lot for after you leave here. In fact, I wish everyone could have these tattooed somewhere. Of course, I’m kidding...but kinda not.”
He laughed at himself.
“Anyway, here we go. In other words, in order to grow, you need clarity. It’s not possible to grow from a state of confusion. Right?” Everyone nodded. “Check this one out. So, it’s also not possible to grow while smothering with shame. You must be in a place, environment, or with people where there is honor, or you cannot grow. It’s just plain required. Let’s go on. Kindness. Same thing. You can’t grow in the presence of anger and contempt. You just can’t. Especially, anger at who?”
“Yourself,” everyone said at the same time.
Francie smiled at these amazing students.
Rob exclaimed, “Exactly! We are our biggest enemy when it comes to contempt. Self-contempt is like poison. How do you be kind to yourself amidst such hard work? You will each have to spend some time reflecting on, ‘What does it mean to be kind to yourself?’ Even after this retreat. We call it self-care.”
John gazed toward the dwindling fire and thought, “I’m going to take paid leave tomorrow. I don’t care. That’s what I’m doing. And I’m going for a hike with Susan while the kids are at school. Maybe a picnic. She will be in shock.” Then a bit of anxiety was overtaken with excitement about the thought of choosing himself.
Karen decided she was going to see if Angela wanted to have dinner close by afterward instead of rushing home. Ryan decided he would not turn on his phone for the whole four-hour drive home and open the sunroof while it was still warm with the heat of the sunshine.
Mary was paralyzed, “That is the most foreign thing I’ve heard all weekend.” The thought of caring for herself was nerve racking. Then Rob gave her a wink of encouragement from across the room. She shook her head. “Oh, Rob Brown, you’re killing me,” she mumbled as everyone else was thinking hard about their own plans.
“Alright. This is a big one. This is Francie’s favorite,” he said as Francie took the lead.
“Ok. Safety. The fact is we have established guidelines and structure for you this weekend, and we have a lot of experience in creating a safe environment. We’ve also been paying close attention as to how to best care for each one of you to keep you and others safe. So outside of here, I would guess most all of you, if you are like us, spend most of your daily life in an unsafe environment.”
Ryan spouted, “True dat.”
Francie went on, “Some examples. You have friends, coworkers, people at church or wherever, and even family members who are safe and ones who are not. Right?”
They all scanned in their minds their list of people.
“For sure,” “Yep,” and “Absolutely,” came from different people at the same time.
“Some people in your life are just plain toxic. You should think about who you spend your time with. Friends or family who gossip? People who talk about themselves all the time? We all have them. Do you really need to call your mom and listen to her go on about your brothers tonight? Or ever. It will suck the life out of you.”
“No doubt,” Karen muttered.
Rob offered, “This was radical, but there was one year we were having marriage ups and downs where we couldn’t breathe and cancelled Thanksgiving. For us, that’s the biggest family gathering of the year. Where we were, we couldn’t handle all the dynamics of the holidays, so we called all our extended family and others and told them three days before that we were not having Thanksgiving. We chose us. That was huge. We didn’t even cook. We went out to eat. I didn’t even have to eat turkey,” he said as everyone smiled and chuckled in amazement.
Francie added, “That was a real turning point in committing to safety in our home, marriage, and lives.”
Rob went on, “Here’s two more examples. Karen, let’s say you go home to Todd all excited wanting to tell him all about your weekend, and he’s having a beer, covered with grease while working under his car. Then you start talking a mile a minute with excitement, and he says, ‘That’s nice, honey.’ How will that make you feel?”
“Like shit!” she responded loudly. Everyone laughed.
“Exactly. Greg, let’s say you and Mary get in the van and ten minutes down the road you start sharing all about your story with a secret agenda to try and get Mary to share hers with you?” Rob prompted.
Greg’s eyes were bugging out as he admitted, “Guess what?... I was already planning that in my mind and was thinking it would be a good idea. Wow, not safe. That could have been a disaster.”
Mary shook her head in agreement.
Francie picked up there, “Mary may not feel like sharing anything with you until she feels safe or is just plain ready. In fact, she may not be ready to hear your stuff. It might be a good idea to ask in advance or at least say something like, ‘Mary, I do have a desire to share some of what I’ve learned with you, and it would be great if you could let me know when would be a good time.’ It may even be best for a date night or after the kids go to bed, just whatever it looks like to create a safe environment with each other. Give her a chance to listen without any expectation of her sharing unless she wants.”
Mary nodded positively, this being a foreign and surprisingly good idea, while others were scrambling to jot things down in their books.
Rob moved on, “Ok, if you have been to any type of retreat or workshop before, you know well the ‘mountain-top experience.’ In fact, many offerings may end up leaving you worse off then when you started. We have resources online that will help you see how and why you can fall in to a place of apathy, fear, crashing, frustration, isolation, or ultimately in despair.”
Angela interrupted, “That’s how I got here. I found resources online.”
Francie transitioned, “Thanks for bringing that up. You can also see in your summary there are blanks to fill in other potential stories. Each of you have explored just one. We’ve found that each person has six to eight stories between the ages of five and fifteen that have shaped the trajectory of their lives, and ones that represent 80% of what is holding them back in life, and you never really know for sure what they are going to be.”
Brock spoke right up, “You got that right!” His group members chuckled.
Rob went on, “How many of you came here with a story in mind?”
Everyone raised their hands.
“How many of you ended up writing a different story than what you originally thought?” Rob asked.
As everyone looked around, all but John had their hands up.
“Wow,” Greg groaned.
Francie said, “Ok. Everyone take a moment to write down any other stories that come to mind.”
They all wrote bullets fast. After experiencing the stories of others, many had become very clear.
Rob began to close, “One of the last things we want to share is that we’ve been to things where they want you to come back over and over. That is not us. However, we’ve told you that each person has 6-8 stories. We recommend exploring three of those in a group or retreat or through coaching or with another friend who knows story exploration. We’ve found that after working through three over about eighteen months, especially three different types of stories, it will become part of your life, and you will be off and running and even begin to engage others in story work. A friend at lunch, coworker, whoever. Listen, everyone has a story, and they are dying for someone to listen. We all just live in a place believing no one really cares. And as you’ve experienced this weekend, that’s a lie. It’s just not true. There are people who care. You just need to have your eyes and ears open.”
Mary entered in, “How do you find people to walk with in this? Like, besides Greg.”
Francie said, “They are probably in your life already. You just haven’t seen it. They may even be people you have stayed away from, and it’s because of your own story that you have avoided them.”
Mary’s eyes bugged out as she immediately thought of three women she has admired but been intimidated by. “I’ve been afraid of using my voice,” she thought. “Thanks, Francie.”
Karen spoke up, “My husband gave me the Look Inside book.”
Ryan added, “My friend sent it to me in the mail. That’s how I ended up here. It sat on my end table for six months and kept staring at me until finally I opened it. And here I am. I can’t wait to talk with him tomorrow.” He was fired up about me coming.
Rob took over, “Speaking of tomorrow, I’m afraid we have come to the end of our time together.” He began to get choked up, “I know I can also speak for Francie when I say what an honor it has been to walk with you all. Your courage and trust is beyond words. Even for me, and you all know I have a lot of them.”
They all smiled.
He continued, “Well, it’s our tradition to all hold hands and have a departing blessing. So, everybody up.”
John was asked to say a blessing for safe travels and continued growth for all.
“First, we are going back to where we began on Friday night,” Rob said and turned to Francie.
“Yep. All of you think back to Friday night to our values for the weekend. Rob said to all of you that there was no way to really understand our values, and that you would have to experience them. Many of you are puzzled right now, thinking, ‘What has happened here this weekend?’ Well, experiencing these values is exactly what we have done. So you know what we’re going to do now?” Francie asked.
Ryan said, “Read them again.”
She nodded, “Yep. And we’re going to start over here with the five of you, and take your time as you read them out loud. Don’t just breeze through them. Ok? John?”
John sat straight up in his leather seat, cleared his throat and began, “Clarity - we seek clarity when we consider the stories of our life that hold confusion. Truth takes back ground that evil steals with whispered lies.”
Angela was next, “Honor - as we engage our story and the stories of others, we do so with honor. We honor all that engage their story by loving them where they are. We never push or require more than anyone desires to walk.”
Greg continued, “Kindness - as we explore our story and who we are created to be, we engage others and ourselves with kindness. Kindness is what speaks against what evil intends for harm.”
Then Lisa, “Safety - we commit to provide a sacred place of comfort and care. We are free to be honest about ourselves and our own emotions. In a safe place we listen and do not interrupt or judge. A safe environment allows what is hidden and breaking through to come into the light.”
Finally, Brock, “Growth - when we engage our stories with honor and kindness, finding clarity in a safe environment, there can be exponential growth and impact. This is everyone’s desire for each other.”
A silence hung in the air as Rob allowed everyone to silently engage their experience of the values. “Ok. Check this out. Let me walk through how cool this is, and this will help you a lot for after you leave here. In fact, I wish everyone could have these tattooed somewhere. Of course, I’m kidding...but kinda not.”
He laughed at himself.
“Anyway, here we go. In other words, in order to grow, you need clarity. It’s not possible to grow from a state of confusion. Right?” Everyone nodded. “Check this one out. So, it’s also not possible to grow while smothering with shame. You must be in a place, environment, or with people where there is honor, or you cannot grow. It’s just plain required. Let’s go on. Kindness. Same thing. You can’t grow in the presence of anger and contempt. You just can’t. Especially, anger at who?”
“Yourself,” everyone said at the same time.
Francie smiled at these amazing students.
Rob exclaimed, “Exactly! We are our biggest enemy when it comes to contempt. Self-contempt is like poison. How do you be kind to yourself amidst such hard work? You will each have to spend some time reflecting on, ‘What does it mean to be kind to yourself?’ Even after this retreat. We call it self-care.”
John gazed toward the dwindling fire and thought, “I’m going to take paid leave tomorrow. I don’t care. That’s what I’m doing. And I’m going for a hike with Susan while the kids are at school. Maybe a picnic. She will be in shock.” Then a bit of anxiety was overtaken with excitement about the thought of choosing himself.
Karen decided she was going to see if Angela wanted to have dinner close by afterward instead of rushing home. Ryan decided he would not turn on his phone for the whole four-hour drive home and open the sunroof while it was still warm with the heat of the sunshine.
Mary was paralyzed, “That is the most foreign thing I’ve heard all weekend.” The thought of caring for herself was nerve racking. Then Rob gave her a wink of encouragement from across the room. She shook her head. “Oh, Rob Brown, you’re killing me,” she mumbled as everyone else was thinking hard about their own plans.
“Alright. This is a big one. This is Francie’s favorite,” he said as Francie took the lead.
“Ok. Safety. The fact is we have established guidelines and structure for you this weekend, and we have a lot of experience in creating a safe environment. We’ve also been paying close attention as to how to best care for each one of you to keep you and others safe. So outside of here, I would guess most all of you, if you are like us, spend most of your daily life in an unsafe environment.”
Ryan spouted, “True dat.”
Francie went on, “Some examples. You have friends, coworkers, people at church or wherever, and even family members who are safe and ones who are not. Right?”
They all scanned in their minds their list of people.
“For sure,” “Yep,” and “Absolutely,” came from different people at the same time.
“Some people in your life are just plain toxic. You should think about who you spend your time with. Friends or family who gossip? People who talk about themselves all the time? We all have them. Do you really need to call your mom and listen to her go on about your brothers tonight? Or ever. It will suck the life out of you.”
“No doubt,” Karen muttered.
Rob offered, “This was radical, but there was one year we were having marriage ups and downs where we couldn’t breathe and cancelled Thanksgiving. For us, that’s the biggest family gathering of the year. Where we were, we couldn’t handle all the dynamics of the holidays, so we called all our extended family and others and told them three days before that we were not having Thanksgiving. We chose us. That was huge. We didn’t even cook. We went out to eat. I didn’t even have to eat turkey,” he said as everyone smiled and chuckled in amazement.
Francie added, “That was a real turning point in committing to safety in our home, marriage, and lives.”
Rob went on, “Here’s two more examples. Karen, let’s say you go home to Todd all excited wanting to tell him all about your weekend, and he’s having a beer, covered with grease while working under his car. Then you start talking a mile a minute with excitement, and he says, ‘That’s nice, honey.’ How will that make you feel?”
“Like shit!” she responded loudly. Everyone laughed.
“Exactly. Greg, let’s say you and Mary get in the van and ten minutes down the road you start sharing all about your story with a secret agenda to try and get Mary to share hers with you?” Rob prompted.
Greg’s eyes were bugging out as he admitted, “Guess what?... I was already planning that in my mind and was thinking it would be a good idea. Wow, not safe. That could have been a disaster.”
Mary shook her head in agreement.
Francie picked up there, “Mary may not feel like sharing anything with you until she feels safe or is just plain ready. In fact, she may not be ready to hear your stuff. It might be a good idea to ask in advance or at least say something like, ‘Mary, I do have a desire to share some of what I’ve learned with you, and it would be great if you could let me know when would be a good time.’ It may even be best for a date night or after the kids go to bed, just whatever it looks like to create a safe environment with each other. Give her a chance to listen without any expectation of her sharing unless she wants.”
Mary nodded positively, this being a foreign and surprisingly good idea, while others were scrambling to jot things down in their books.
Rob moved on, “Ok, if you have been to any type of retreat or workshop before, you know well the ‘mountain-top experience.’ In fact, many offerings may end up leaving you worse off then when you started. We have resources online that will help you see how and why you can fall in to a place of apathy, fear, crashing, frustration, isolation, or ultimately in despair.”
Angela interrupted, “That’s how I got here. I found resources online.”
Francie transitioned, “Thanks for bringing that up. You can also see in your summary there are blanks to fill in other potential stories. Each of you have explored just one. We’ve found that each person has six to eight stories between the ages of five and fifteen that have shaped the trajectory of their lives, and ones that represent 80% of what is holding them back in life, and you never really know for sure what they are going to be.”
Brock spoke right up, “You got that right!” His group members chuckled.
Rob went on, “How many of you came here with a story in mind?”
Everyone raised their hands.
“How many of you ended up writing a different story than what you originally thought?” Rob asked.
As everyone looked around, all but John had their hands up.
“Wow,” Greg groaned.
Francie said, “Ok. Everyone take a moment to write down any other stories that come to mind.”
They all wrote bullets fast. After experiencing the stories of others, many had become very clear.
Rob began to close, “One of the last things we want to share is that we’ve been to things where they want you to come back over and over. That is not us. However, we’ve told you that each person has 6-8 stories. We recommend exploring three of those in a group or retreat or through coaching or with another friend who knows story exploration. We’ve found that after working through three over about eighteen months, especially three different types of stories, it will become part of your life, and you will be off and running and even begin to engage others in story work. A friend at lunch, coworker, whoever. Listen, everyone has a story, and they are dying for someone to listen. We all just live in a place believing no one really cares. And as you’ve experienced this weekend, that’s a lie. It’s just not true. There are people who care. You just need to have your eyes and ears open.”
Mary entered in, “How do you find people to walk with in this? Like, besides Greg.”
Francie said, “They are probably in your life already. You just haven’t seen it. They may even be people you have stayed away from, and it’s because of your own story that you have avoided them.”
Mary’s eyes bugged out as she immediately thought of three women she has admired but been intimidated by. “I’ve been afraid of using my voice,” she thought. “Thanks, Francie.”
Karen spoke up, “My husband gave me the Look Inside book.”
Ryan added, “My friend sent it to me in the mail. That’s how I ended up here. It sat on my end table for six months and kept staring at me until finally I opened it. And here I am. I can’t wait to talk with him tomorrow.” He was fired up about me coming.
Rob took over, “Speaking of tomorrow, I’m afraid we have come to the end of our time together.” He began to get choked up, “I know I can also speak for Francie when I say what an honor it has been to walk with you all. Your courage and trust is beyond words. Even for me, and you all know I have a lot of them.”
They all smiled.
He continued, “Well, it’s our tradition to all hold hands and have a departing blessing. So, everybody up.”
John was asked to say a blessing for safe travels and continued growth for all.
Departure
There were many hugs by all, and a few exchanged contact info. Brock was the first to leave as his truck was packed for a very long drive. He called out, “Y'all come to Texas! Remember, go big or go home ‘cause everything’s big in Texas!” Everyone shook their heads as he laughed, walking through the open door.
Greg pulled two rolling suitcases and yanked them through the door together. Mary shook her head as she waved and said, “Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye, Moon Shadow.”
Karen and Angela were already on the back deck discussing which direction to head to dinner, and John and Ryan shook hands and hugged Rob and Francie. In the blink of an eye, it was Rob and Francie left for the final clean up touches. Rob scooped out the ashes from the fireplace into a bucket, and Francie swept the floor. When the bucket was full, Rob went out the back door to dump the ash into the outdoor fire pit. Dumping it was always fun for Rob because when he did, fine ash would poof up high into the sunny air like a cloud.
When he turned around to head back into the cabin, he was shocked to see that Lisa was sitting on the deck by herself in a rocking chair. He kept to his business, not wanting to interrupt any private time when she called, “You guys need any help?”
Rob smiled and answered, “Nope. I think we’re in great shape,” as he headed back into the lodge and closed the door.
“Babe, it’s strange, but Lisa is outside by herself in a rocking chair. Do you think she’s ok? I had wondered where she went.”
Francie smiled really big. “Yeah, it’s ok. It’s definitely ok. Grab those bags, and we’re ready to leave. We’ll say goodbye to her.”
Rob stepped through the door out back as Francie locked the front. He said nervously, “Lisa, I’m really sorry, but we’re going to have to lock up.”
“No, you guys go ahead. I have everything packed in my car. I’m just going to sit here a while before I take off. Is that ok?” she asked.
Rob and Francie both said at the same time, “Sure,” and both gave Lisa a hug goodbye.
As Lisa sat and rocked, the sun was so warm she stood up, took off her jacket, slipped off her sneakers, and sat back down. Gazing out to the mountainside, she could hear the Brown’s van rolling through gravel and fading into the distance.
Rocking gently back and forth, she could now only hear the sounds of several little birds chirping, cow hooves walking down the fence line, and the low hum of the warm breeze blowing across the ridges of the tin roof.
Before getting up, Lisa closed her eyes one last time to take it all in.
Greg pulled two rolling suitcases and yanked them through the door together. Mary shook her head as she waved and said, “Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye, Moon Shadow.”
Karen and Angela were already on the back deck discussing which direction to head to dinner, and John and Ryan shook hands and hugged Rob and Francie. In the blink of an eye, it was Rob and Francie left for the final clean up touches. Rob scooped out the ashes from the fireplace into a bucket, and Francie swept the floor. When the bucket was full, Rob went out the back door to dump the ash into the outdoor fire pit. Dumping it was always fun for Rob because when he did, fine ash would poof up high into the sunny air like a cloud.
When he turned around to head back into the cabin, he was shocked to see that Lisa was sitting on the deck by herself in a rocking chair. He kept to his business, not wanting to interrupt any private time when she called, “You guys need any help?”
Rob smiled and answered, “Nope. I think we’re in great shape,” as he headed back into the lodge and closed the door.
“Babe, it’s strange, but Lisa is outside by herself in a rocking chair. Do you think she’s ok? I had wondered where she went.”
Francie smiled really big. “Yeah, it’s ok. It’s definitely ok. Grab those bags, and we’re ready to leave. We’ll say goodbye to her.”
Rob stepped through the door out back as Francie locked the front. He said nervously, “Lisa, I’m really sorry, but we’re going to have to lock up.”
“No, you guys go ahead. I have everything packed in my car. I’m just going to sit here a while before I take off. Is that ok?” she asked.
Rob and Francie both said at the same time, “Sure,” and both gave Lisa a hug goodbye.
As Lisa sat and rocked, the sun was so warm she stood up, took off her jacket, slipped off her sneakers, and sat back down. Gazing out to the mountainside, she could hear the Brown’s van rolling through gravel and fading into the distance.
Rocking gently back and forth, she could now only hear the sounds of several little birds chirping, cow hooves walking down the fence line, and the low hum of the warm breeze blowing across the ridges of the tin roof.
Before getting up, Lisa closed her eyes one last time to take it all in.
